The Politeness Policy
Guest Blog Post by Allison R of ‘Lil Pinkies Up! Read her bio at the bottom of this post.
“EEWWWWwwww”
“That looks DISGUSTING!”
“Yuck!”
“I don’t like THAT!”
These are the words and statements I hear without fail on the first day of cooking camps. It’s also the last day of cooking camp that I allow this type of language in my kitchen because we (me included) enter into an agreement based on mutual respect. I like to call it, “The Politeness Policy.” Download Allison’s free Politeness Policy cheat sheet here.
The Politeness Policy
The Politeness Policy is an agreement to be kind and respectful at mealtime. I find that most kids have no ill intentions when they have a kneejerk, negative reaction to a new food. Rather, most kids want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings (especially their parents). They need guidance to show them why a negative reaction is impolite and hurtful.
For example, can you imagine what type of reaction you would get from your child if you told them, “Wow, this macaroni necklace you made me is REALLY ugly, I’m not wearing this EVER.” Or “Ugh! Is this what you call ART?! We’d better repurpose this as toilet paper for the guest bathroom.” Face melting tears, and future appointments with a child psychologist would likely be their future. If you can sit down and explain the corollary to their macaroni necklace and your macaroni and cheese, children can begin to understand this concept.
“The Politeness Policy” transforms your child into a bonafide food critic and asks him/her to replace “EEWWwwww”, “Yuck!”, and “Gross” when trying a food that is not palatable at the moment with my magic phrase, “I don’t prefer it.” At dinner time, encourage your child to take a real bite* (rice grain size bites don’t count!). Then ask them to share what the bite tastes like — if they would like to earn a reward of your choosing**.
*Does starting with a bite seem too scary for your child? Ask your child to use their eyes first to describe what they think their food looks like.
**How about Dessert? I know what you’re thinking…. Many nutritionist frown upon using dessert as a reward, and rightfully so for many kids. Honestly though, for our family, it works! Other options to encourage your child to taste new foods can include a sticker chart to earn extra books at bedtime. Or any other special privilege you know will encourage your kids!
Over the years, I have heard some very creative descriptions of food! My kids have described an olive as “a puckery, salty grape!” My Moroccan stew as “hamburgers with tomatoes that were in a campfire.” And, my parmesan chicken tenders as “a cheesy chicken French fry!” Having a child pause to think about what their food is tasting like, opens their minds to the complex and different flavors of their meal. Adults at the table might need to model the behavior at first, but it quickly becomes a fun game the kids will enjoy! Need help with how to describe food to your child? Here are some ideas.
Politeness Policy’s #1 Rule
Only after a child has tried a food SEVENTEEN TIMES (Oh yes, I said 17) can they officially say “I don’t like (insert food).”
Not surprisingly, the “17 times” concept spreads like wildfire with kids. Soon, you’ll find yourself getting corrected by your kids when you say “I don’t like blue cheese.” To which they will reply, “And, have you tried it 17 times?” With a devilish smirk they’ll add, “Don’t you mean, you don’t prefer blue cheese, Mommy.” By removing “I don’t like” from their culinary vocabulary, it allows your children’s minds to unconsciously stay open to try new foods.
Children are guaranteed to always have something on their plate at mealtime they’ll love as part of the politeness policy. It doesn’t matter if it’s quartered-up Wonder Bread and ketchup sandwich. (But, did I mention YOU will have one of these quarters on your plate, too?).
For instance, let your child choose where everyone sits, or what color place mat or utensils are being used. Including them in the decision-making process makes them feel part of the mealtime experience. When everyone is being treated with respect and kindness, they will definitely notice.
About the Author
Hi there! I’m Allison, and it’s my goal to help you learn to enjoy cooking with your little one at home! One of my greatest passions is raising polite, inquisitive eaters, whether at home or at camp. Hundreds of kids I have taught at cooking camps have embraced the yummy and unique food. If you simply need the the inspiration to expand your family’s tired-out dinnertime staples, or think you have the world’s pickiest eater holding you hostage in your kitchen, I’m the gal for you! With your commitment to The Picky to Persuadable Method and The Politeness Policy, any child (or adult for that matter!) can learn to explore their culinary point of view. Visit ‘Lil Pinkies Up! for more!